do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
