I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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