Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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