It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
