Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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