I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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