batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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