I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
