First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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