Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
