the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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