dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
