I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
