Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
