Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize