I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
