Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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