I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
