I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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