She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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