we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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