Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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