I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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