she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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