You can't motorboat a personality
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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