it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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