I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
