it wasn't lemon gatorade
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
