That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
