am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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