He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
