she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
