Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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