none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
