I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
