Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
