even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
