Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
