my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
