I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
