Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
