Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
