can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
