awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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