No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
