i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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