i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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