pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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