apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize