Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
