I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
