eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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