My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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