That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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