i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
