The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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