I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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