Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize