I puked a lego.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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