So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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