these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
