so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
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lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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