he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
