omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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